"Are you a sore loser?" "Can't be. I never lose." "You lost the election — " "Wrong. No. Uh-uh. Fake news." "People died. Staff resigned. They muzzled your Twitter. The Senate's rejection — " "Quitter, quitter, quitter." "Last words? Any regrets?" "I scorn what that imputes. Although, on reflection — I'd put down deeper roots." … Continue reading Stump Speech: Exit Interview
Humor
Perfection’s Rough Draft
One of my few accomplishments during the quarantining last year (besides an epic four part poem about dust, and five poems about national park grief) involved creating a Halloween costume, buying all the parts, fitting it into a perfect storage container, and even labelling it. Then I put it in my closet, the quarantine never … Continue reading Perfection’s Rough Draft
Starting the New Year Right
Last night they fired the starting gun On the year Twenty-Twenty-One. Now with Twenty-Twenty a ghost, Raise your glass and let’s make a toast! May the year ahead soon restore Things ruined by the year before. May we not need to cry, "Undo!" Again in Twenty-Twenty-Two. ~ Camp Host Chad "Cheers!" "Release the balloons!"
A Dream and a Prayer
For those of you who celebrate this holiday, I offer this: Merry Christmas! And for everyone, no matter your beliefs, I offer this:
The Goes Wrong Holiday
The job I was hoping would be a career stepping stone went (to put it nicely) belly up about a month ago. Splat! To mentally get through the end of this year, I doubled down on my Thanksgiving plans, filled with travel and friends and food and fun. ...Can you guess what happened next? Yup. … Continue reading The Goes Wrong Holiday
Stump Speech: Giving Shade, Not Throwing It
Vote for me! I'm not old, I'm classic — What? When? Who won? Really, me? Gee whiz. That's, that's, that's... Well, son of a gun. I guess we're done here — Why not? Of course tree will. No shame. "Never take responsibility. Never take blame." Give me money! I'm raising funds before we proceed, Apparently … Continue reading Stump Speech: Giving Shade, Not Throwing It
Stump Speech: Deride and Conquer
Vote for me! Forget those other stumps. Commies! Reds! Lobotomized chumps! A copse of carbon flatheads! They can't say, "Ain't nobody never cut me down." (mocking voice) "Waahh! Help me!! I need another crown!" Sure, I'm twisted, hollow, partially decomposed. So what? There you have it. That's me, fully disclosed. In life, in elections, I've … Continue reading Stump Speech: Deride and Conquer
Stationary Stump Speeches
Stump Speech: a speech that is made many times by a politician who is traveling to different places during a campaign for election For the record, Campfire Tales is non-political, and that's not about to change. (No, that's the wrong word. Try again.) For the record, Campfire Tales is non-partisan, and that's not about to … Continue reading Stationary Stump Speeches
Five Stages of National Park Grief
Hello, Campfire Talesmen and Taleswomen! Our last shared post completed a series of five poems depicting the five stages of grief, as represented by National Parks awaiting our return. Yes, they rhyme. Denial = Crater Lake Anger = Lassen Volcanic Bargaining = Joshua Tree Depression = Death Valley Acceptance = Yosemite The final post, Yosemite, … Continue reading Five Stages of National Park Grief
Down in D. Valley
"Thank you for visiting your national park..." (sigh) I'd give you the sales pitch, but honestly, why try? Either, One. My name's embossed on your bucket list, Or, Two. "Over my dead body!" Thus, I'm dismissed. Make no mistake, I love my survivalist crowd. They arrive flushed and nervous; depart tanned and proud. Still, I … Continue reading Down in D. Valley
