In Jurrassic Park, tremors in a cup of water signal the approach of a T-Rex. When I stepped from the shower this morning, the water in my toilet bowl sloshed gently side to side. Uh-oh, I thought. That's either an earthquake, or the wind is shaking my entire building. I didn't feel an earthquake in … Continue reading Morning Warning
Trees
Stump Speech: Exit Interview
"Are you a sore loser?" "Can't be. I never lose." "You lost the election — " "Wrong. No. Uh-uh. Fake news." "People died. Staff resigned. They muzzled your Twitter. The Senate's rejection — " "Quitter, quitter, quitter." "Last words? Any regrets?" "I scorn what that imputes. Although, on reflection — I'd put down deeper roots." … Continue reading Stump Speech: Exit Interview
Stump Speech: Giving Shade, Not Throwing It
Vote for me! I'm not old, I'm classic — What? When? Who won? Really, me? Gee whiz. That's, that's, that's... Well, son of a gun. I guess we're done here — Why not? Of course tree will. No shame. "Never take responsibility. Never take blame." Give me money! I'm raising funds before we proceed, Apparently … Continue reading Stump Speech: Giving Shade, Not Throwing It
Stump Speech: Deride and Conquer
Vote for me! Forget those other stumps. Commies! Reds! Lobotomized chumps! A copse of carbon flatheads! They can't say, "Ain't nobody never cut me down." (mocking voice) "Waahh! Help me!! I need another crown!" Sure, I'm twisted, hollow, partially decomposed. So what? There you have it. That's me, fully disclosed. In life, in elections, I've … Continue reading Stump Speech: Deride and Conquer
Stationary Stump Speeches
Stump Speech: a speech that is made many times by a politician who is traveling to different places during a campaign for election For the record, Campfire Tales is non-political, and that's not about to change. (No, that's the wrong word. Try again.) For the record, Campfire Tales is non-partisan, and that's not about to … Continue reading Stationary Stump Speeches
Palms Up!
Q. Why are palm trees the most carefree trees? A. Because they have fronds in high places.
Happy Trails
No memory is ever alone; it's at the end of a trail of memories, a dozen trails that each have their own associations. ~ Louis L'amour
Getting Shred-y
Last week, I spent the entire week with trees, glorious trees. Unfortunately, not walking amongst them. Scanning and shredding hundreds of old documents. Only after filling two garbage bags with shredded paper did I bother to look up the proper way to recycle paper: Don't shred (if possible). Oops. To recycle shredded paper, put the … Continue reading Getting Shred-y
Would NOT Cut
woodcut noun 1: a relief printing surface consisting of a wooden block with a usually pictorial design cut with the grain 2: a print from a woodcut ~ Merriam-Webster Dictionary Thought you might like this, a picture of cut wood (itself cutting through the woods) that looks like a woodcut. How meta! (Second photo is … Continue reading Would NOT Cut
Tree Advice
Without humans, trees would manage just fine. Without trees, people would perish. Everything on the earth that moves uses energy that is stored in bonds between carbon atoms, first formed in a green plant through the process of photosynthesis. You, me, earthworms, ants, bees, tigers, sloths, and aphids: we all run on trees. And it's … Continue reading Tree Advice
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